Hello Friends & Family--
Time for a serious topic and some random thoughts that I need to get out of my head.
This topic already gets me teary eyed. No it's not because I'm hormonal either! It's just a very touchy subject for me at this point. Most of you know that I definitely have a strong desire to stay home. And those desires are quite warranted in my opinion. There are some women out there that can't fathom spending their days only caring for their child and have a strong urge to go back to work as soon as possible. I don't need a career to define who I am. I believe firmly that being a Mom is the hardest and most rewarding jobs of all! Then there are the Mom's that would like to stay home, but cannot because of financial reasons. I'll point out that I personally attended day care. I know what it's like from a first hand experience. I'm praying that things fall into place and I can stay at home to be able to care for my child on a 24-7 basis.
I think every mother goes through that fear of leaving their child in the care of someone else. Can you really trust them to give them the love and care you know only you are capable of? Knowing that someone else is going to see all their "firsts" before you do. Perhaps, it's the first smile, laugh, step or word. It's heart wrenching. I realize that some of these firsts can still happen under your watch, but with very little time spent with them the chances go down :( Don't even get me started on the fear that they'll be more attached to their provider. Having my son in someone else's care for 8 hours (maybe even longer) a day sends shivers down my spine. I've heard many horror stories about care providers (and plenty of good stories too), but obviously those negative stories stick out to me more. I also want to assure you that I'm not lazy nor do I think that I need to stay at home because I don't want to work. The simple truth is if I could work from home and still take care of him I'd do it in a heartbeat. It's just not a feasible option at my current job.
We are actually behind in looking for daycare options. Most people start researching right away. Most places that I'm looking into are full and require non-refundable checks to just send in an enrollment form. Not even knowing if you'll get in! I don't really want to pay $40 to be on a waiting list only to find out he'll never get in! Plus, I'm still trying to get a straight answer out of my work on what my maternity leave will look like (we are too small to be enrolled in FMLA). They've been avoiding it because I'm the first to ever request it. With less than 6 weeks left they are running out of time!
Obviously all of this is just the tip of the iceberg. I didn't want to get too deep on here, nor did I want to write a novel--believe me I think I could! Please pray that a clear option will come to light!
On a much happier note, I'm taking maternity pictures this weekend! The sun has finally come out and it's warm! I'm very excited, these are mementos I'll treasure forever! I plan to use at least one to hang up in his nursery.
Go Badgers!
Love,
Chris, Amber & Baby Z
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